Sunday, March 6, 2011

Opinion Editorial: Meats

If you like you can eat different meats.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Exercise Journal Day 1

"Believe that you can be yourself when you do jogging" is what my Uncle David always says. Uncle David has had life threatening issues with his blood sugar most of his adult life and it's crippled his social life to the point he's considered ending it all (J/K).

I hope his glucose levels become stable but at the same time I hope he pays back the money he owes my parents. We need that money back David.

During the jog make sure you bring the perfect amount of water to quench your thirst for when you begin to become parched. At the moment you become parched: BOOM QUENCH IT! When I jog, there are days I get very parched and there are also days I have trouble waking up in the morning because of how my life has turned out. But like Uncle David says remember to believe in yourself. Come on, be a man David and pay us back.

JOGGING FACT: The Human body might be over 5% water.

The real secret to jogging is pumping your arms. Like most people, I never used to pump my arms when I jogged. I would run up and down my block at full speed with my arms glued to my sides. Now that I no longer keep my arms at attention and pump every so often, I have increased my speed to slightly above walking pace.

I did jogging today 2/28/10 for over eight minutes and I believe that's enough to be in shape. Even though it took me an entire day to master jogging I think it was worth it.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

CUB THE COSBY CAPTION CONTEST!


MY SUBMISSION TO THE CAPTION CONTEST:
I can't go to Pep Boys on Saturday, I have to role play matches from next month's WWE Survivor Series.

*J/K (Just Kidding)This was just a caption for my contest and I didn't really say this.

On another note, my sister in law died in a car accident this morning on her way to work.

Don't forget to email in all your captions.

*****Technical Note:
Due to a server error this blog cannot accept EMail. In order to send in a caption for
the contest please send all submissions in a stamped letter to:

United States Post Office
3795 White House PKWY
Sellsville GA, 11228


Submissions will be accepted no later than 9/10/09


Thankyou in advance,

CuttheCosby Tech Staff

R.I.P. SARA (In this picture, she looks like she's thinking "don't forget to send a caption!")




Saturday, July 4, 2009

YOUTUBE VIDEO CONTEST 2009!!

This is my entry for the Youtube Number One Video Contest! Feel freem to submit you're entries to the contest. I am telling a funny story in my entry! If I win maybe I can finally be free from my own personal Hell LOL. I've never felt loved :) I KNOW THIS VIDEO IS GOING TO BE A HIT THAT WILL TAKE THE INTERNET BY STORM!


video

Friday, May 22, 2009

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Thursday, January 29, 2009

CutTheCosby back and Reveamped on Monday (I mean Monday like the day of the week)



Hola (prounounced Ho-la, and means welcome in spanish) CutTheCosby will be back on Monday in full force (Edit: Medium Force) on Sunday after I am done making posts on FunnyOrDie.com! Until them, Please check out my blogs on Funny or die.com: Here is what I posted today (Please don't hurt me or my friends):


Hey cool cats, lets mellow out today and talk a little about real singing chops! Cats, approach me on the street all the time and say, “Hey Marty what’s the deal with those Pro-Chops of yours?” Well the answer is simple, PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE! (Edit: I always try my best! Like when I HAVE to do Tiger Schulman’s Karate because my parents pay for it. I can’t wait until summer sessions. I’ll do crescent kicks in showcases and scream Kee-Yai to focus my Strikes!)

There are few things as important in today’s struggling music industry as having real solid professional-grade chops (I try my best!). And I’m not razzin you jive poppies, it takes hard work and good moola to build up your chops correctly (This is a blog). All this advice isn’t coming from just anyone, if you ask around in local Jazz circuits, they call me “The Kitten Boy“ because I can be very timid (but like a kitten I never give up!). There are days I feel like singing until my voice is hoarse and oftentimes, depending on the groove, I believe I need to challenge myself with more difficult runs.
For beginners, when you’re building chops up, you’re going to want to start slow. There’s nothing worse than thinking you have Grade-A Chops only to find out, that your chops are all loosey goosey. I’ve seen many people, try to hit a high vibrato (For example, a standard “Skee Bop Ska Bow“ vocal run.), at full capacity, and the next thing you know they’ve completely blown out their chops (what is this amateur howser?) Like Local Pro Jazz Buff, Marty “Tucan” Janetti says, “When Jazz makes it comeback, I will rent my own apartment!.”

I know I make it look easy but I didn’t always have these Pro-Chops, at first I had limited to no Chops. then at the advice of my dad, I started workin’ it. I remember him coming into my room every night right before bed and telling me, “Marty, It may seem hard now but really work those chops!” (I think I may be bleeding and I will check!) The next thing you know I’m belting out mellow jazz tunes like Brown Eyes Grill and the song The Black Eyed Peas.
Easy Instructions to start building up your Chops. Warning Building your chops can be a very long difficult process and is not recommended for beginners.

Step1: “Open your mouth wide and make an “O” sound until you really feel like you have good chops. And that’s all it takes you know have full chops!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Sports: WWE WRESTLING

Update: READ MY BLOG ON http://www.funnyordie.com/. FUNNY OR DIED IS A TRASH WEBSITE FOR GARBAGE BRAINS. AND I WILL BE THE GUEST BLOGGER ON THE WEEK! IT IS ON THE SIDE OF THE MAIN PAGE (ON THE INTERNET). YOU WILL SEE MY PICTURE (DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT STEALING MY FORCE POWER. MARTY POWERR UP!)

DISCLAIMER: I know many people think that Pro-Wrestling is fake but I would like to clear up right her on this website that, that is a MYTH! When I was eleven I got the once in a lifetime opportunity to meet Jake “The Snake” Rabbits and when I told him that the boys at school said wrestling is fake, he said “Listen kid, it’s all real! When you believe in wrestling, you add magic to the world! Never stop believing Marty!” And I never did. I will always keep my promise Jake! So to all the non believers out there, you heard it straight from the horses mouth. Pro-Wrestling is 100% real and you are totally wrong (Who's laughing now?)

With that said, I have many influences but my biggest two greatest influences in my life are my Poppy and Stone Cold Steve Austin! Austin is a pro wrestler who somehow always wins just in the nick of time! (Health Update: I had a stummy ache on Saturday and made booms. I felt like saying, “Mom let go of my dippy, I‘m 23 years old I know how to change myself.“ LOL)! I have seen Stone Cold get hit by a steal chair and still get up to clothesline Mr. McMahon even though the diabolical McMahon distracted the referee (Note: McMahon is a total jerk! I hope he loses the “Hell in a Cell” match, so he no longer owns the WWE and the company is handed over to Rick Flair!) But guess who made it to the Royal Rumble anyway? The Rattlesnake Stone Cold Steve Austin!

The Undertaker once tried to stop The Texas Rattlesnake Stone Cold, but guess what, he overtook him to win the belt! When the dead man tried to choke slam S.C.S.A, Stone Cold said, “No way Taker, You might be a ghost and I might cry in fear when your entrance music comes on, but I’m still going to open up a can of Whoop-Ass on you!” (Edit: This is what I imagined he was saying in my mind!)

The one thing,. I can’t figure out why these two guys can’t talk it out? Why are they so angry at each other? They should handle it like professionals. What’s the Beef LOL!

I love to sit in my room and when Steve Awesome says, “Give me a hell yea” I yell out HECK YES (I have to cheat because there is no cusses at home) and then cut my face with a razor so can be ugly both inside and outside. I hate myself J/K. : ) But enough with the jokes already! Austin is the man!

I don’t know how these Athletes do it but they are true heroes and deserve more respect. Many times they seem super human, but these guys can beat anyone. Why don’t they fight in the UFC? Those guys can barely take a punch, I have seen WWE Champions like Undertaker get buried alive and come back to life( The Taker can control the lights with magic but is under a curse of the urn. If the urn is broken he loses his powers. This is one case in which the truth is stranger than fiction. According to his profile on WWE.com scientists still haven’t figured him out! He is a true legend )!




Friday, January 23, 2009

THIS IS AN EDIT OF THE LAST POST! IT'S DAIRY DAY!

Oh no this is a new thing I am writing to you (the viewer). Lets check it out! Hello Governer, I am doing blogs on http://www.funnyordie.com/ for one week! They will be posted on the main page Starting today SUNDAY (That's what she said J/K)!

I am a little Antsy because I have to be a fun ;) So since I have to be a so much fun there is only one thing to do! And that is Dairy Day! For those of you who don't know; what you do for dairy day is buy Milkand Cheese and only eat them until you are scared you may perish (I am strong like a lion!). This is where the fun begins! Now you buy more Cheese and Milk and call your parents! When they are over you say to them, "Mommy or Poppy (whoever it is) Help me I've had too much Milk and cheese! This Dairy Day has gone totally haywire!"

Then you should go to the hospital because that is much Milke and Cheese. I wish everyday was Dairy Day. I want to buy a car and say look at me because Fonzy, "Ayyyyy" (Like on the program Happiest Days by The Fonz) But good thing today is! I celebrate Dairy Day alone in my room crying by eating Milk and Cheese! I am total worthless trash!

Edit: Dairy Day is not for everyone. Please enjoy your day (That's what she said LOL)!


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Exclusive Look at my New Song!

This is sure to be a number one hit! You need to have chops to sing it correctly. And for the first time here is an exclusive new look at a new song I wrote called "The World's Greatest Champion"This is going to be a bigger hit than the smash hit Batman Returns. I have watched Batman Returns over 5 times. My song isn't Batman Returns good but it is better than the summer blockbuster hit Batman Begins, starring Michael Keaton and a young Michael Keaton. Covers of this song are encouraged! Try do out do the Bear, Me Marty. Test out your chops against my chops. The song is intended to be a traditional ballad with a moderate tempo. I have put directions along with each verse on how to use your chops while singing for direction. :

Verse 1 (Mediocre Chops):
I will be the World's Greatest Champion
I hope I do not Die in a Car Accident
I will be the World's Greatest Champion
I Beg you Please don't kill my family
This song isn't as good as Batman Returns
But I hope it is as good as Batman Begins

Chorus (Building Chops):

My Father is a Champion
My Mother is a Champion
My Brother is a Champion
Please Don't take my things
This is the chorus
Don't worry you have to remember this is not happening to you
It is just a song


Verse 2 (Full Chops):
Mommy said Marty You will be a Champion
Daddy said Marty You will be a hero
I am scared I will bleed from my kidneys
I am hopeful that I won't
This is the greatest story ever told
And my favorite Movie is Batman Returns
Believe in your heart
Never Give up in your dreams (Never)
Never rush through work



Bridge (Chop Decrease and then on to Full Chops):

I am the World's Greatest Champion

I feel the joy inside my heart

I am a champion like Michael Keaton in Batman Returns

Remember Popcorn Safety from earlier in the song

And you too can be a Champion.

Chorus (Light Chops).
End (Chops Diminished) .







Tuesday, January 20, 2009

YOUR TRASH UNCLE DAVID!

LISTEN UNCLE DAVID. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. IF YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR STINKING MOUTH I'M GOING TO CALL THE POLICE AND TELL THEM YOU'RE A FAT PIECE OF STINKING TRASH. HOW IS AUNT SALLY? GO TO H-E DOUBLE HOCKY STICKS UNCLE DAVID. I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL I GET YOUR INHERITANCE AND USE IT TO BUY STATIONARY AND CLIMBING GEAR. I PRACTICE CLIMBING AND MOUNTAIN TREKKING AND BELIEVE ME IT IS OK. I'VE NEVER CLIMBED YET BUT I GOT THE SHOES AND BACKPACKS AND PLAN TO START TREKKING WHEN I GET MY CARIBEANERS. I ORDERED 100 CARIBEANERS AND I'M GOING TO USE THEM TO REPEL UP AND DOWN MOUNTAINS. LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS UNCLE DAVID.

YOU HAVE TO KNOW THE WILDERNESS. ONCE YOU BEGIN TO KNOW NATURE YOU CAN BEGIN TO KNOW YOURSELF. GUESS WHAT DAVID THAT MONEY YOU OWE US FOR THE THE ABOVE GROUND POOL NEVER CAME. BIG SURPRISE. I NEED THAT MONEY DAVID IF WE DON'T GET IT WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM. I WANT MY CARIBEANERS WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO ROLL OVER AND DIE. I HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH THE FAMILY HAVE A GOOD HOLIDAY SEASON. TIME TO PRACTICE IMAGINING THAT I CLIMB ON MOUNTAINS.

Monday, January 19, 2009

This post is safe and Fair. I hope you are not garbage.

Hi Everyone, I am working for a cool new inventory store called Asset Inventories! I told my boss a joke, I said, "I hope I die in a car accident on the way to work!"(LOL). I am fooling you, but I wouldn't mind getting seriously hurt on the job (I just hope I am not poisoned.)! I wouldn't mind getting shot if it was just a joke and everyone jumped up and said, "He is like the Notorious B.I.G. but instead of singing Jazz Words, He is great at checking the Serial and Model numbers on phones!"


I am sorry if I cannot update all the days but I will update some. This is my first post since having a job. No one reads my blog and I am scared I am losing life force, please visit my site and please love your life because you never no when someone is trying to take steps to put you or your family in serious danger.

Friday, January 16, 2009

I made a video of Youtube And Here it is!

This is my number one video! I made it when I came up with the idea for a cool song and Ideas about television. I put my heart into this one! Thankyou for your support

I'm sorry if I failed you at this.

Please don't harm me or my friends

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vahDewQbeg


All the "Boob Man" shirts and hats are still available. Read Below for further details.

Welcome Back. New Merchandise Available.

You will notice that there are many new features of the website (wwww.cutthecosby.blogspot.con) but I am still adding more!

In the mean time:

There is official new Specialized CutTheCosby-Gear (hats and shirts) on sale immeidatly in the online store! These specialized hats and shirts are perfect for work, business and casual. And each hat and shirt screams the spirit of CutTheCosby both business and casual. Trust me buddy, I am now selling these hats and shirts full time because it is a total lock. All of the shirts and hats are high quality 100% cotton and come in sizes: Medium.

You can never have just one shirts and hats and they are perfect for all occassions but i'll make a special deal for you. For you, there is a Grand opening sale starting today in which every CutTheCosby item you buy only costs 20 dollars each (plus 15 dollars shipping. Minimum order of 3 hats or shirts per purchase)! At these prices you are stealing from me and I will deliver them to you personally (Price does not include gas money).


All items are available in Medium:








These Boob Man shirts and Hats are made from 100% cotton perfect for any season or occasion. Trust me buddy, be the first one you know to have one (I need this). Boob Man hats and shirts are 100% Cotton and are available in sizes: Medium. Listen in a few weeks you are going to say to me, "Marty I want to be one of the Boob Men?" (Each order must include a Minimum of three hats or shirts or a combination of one hat and two shirts)

To order place your adress and credit card information in the Comment section and I will charge your account (fairly) deliver them to you personally.

I have a strange feeling, "Boob Man" Hats and Shirts are going to be this years "It" item."

Testamonials:
"I bought a combination of one hat and two shirts and they are cool! Don't call me at work anymore."- -Mom

"I bought 3 shirts and they are good but not great!"-- Dad

"I bought a combination of one hat and two shirts and now I am one of the Boob Men" --Brother


There is a a Limited amount available. Be one of the first 5,000 people to order and recieve a "Boob Man" key chain (for 4.00$)!

Boob Man Posters and Cups and mouse pads will soon be available.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Keep Sitting Tight! But Do what you want to!

Hi Mom and Dad, I'm doing new cool thing with this website and I hope you are proud of me! Thanks Mommy and Poppy, I know you will support me through thick and thin! I make doo's and pee's but no one can know what happens to them! I keep it a secret for the bowl and then only the toilet knows (LOL). This is a magic day! Because my Dad has a birthday coming up and guess what I got him? Pictures of my Parents Divorce! He didn't have them but now he has many of them! And guess what! I am a Champion for it! I hope to have the new website up soon. And I hope no one murders my family! The web-blog won't be that new except I will advertise new products and also have more fun on my life! Thankyou Grammy and Pop Pop for doing pleasure to eachother and making my parents! Today is love! Maybe I can post videos and be a videographer with laughs and challenges, but who knows because only it is up to you (or is it?)(Edit: It is)

Happy Easter
From Marty P. (Super Webmaster)



**Ladies and Gents is short for Ladies and Gentlemen. Get your boards and let's GRIND on the HALF PIPES! I am a Star and I will shine so bright! Because Magic camp only lasts a week and then you are out on your keister with your tricks and you only have your confidence!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Whats Hot in Television: Seinfeld

I watched this short movie (on television) last night and I enjoyed it. The movie is about a New York Hipster named Jerry Steinman who wants all his friends to be the coolest ones in their group. In one episode Hipster Jerry Steinman says, "I am the groups coolest" and then his boss George Costanza says, "No Jerry, I am the coolest of the group because I can shoot hoops!". The best part of the show is the hilarious Allen Kramer who is a stern man that now runs the deli and cries about his military fears (Ex: "Help Jerry I'm having a Flashback, I need my medication! LOL.)

The deli is called, "Kooky Kramer's" and everyone who comes in and out of it and says, "Hello Sir" and "Thank ya Madame" (In a sort of spooky way). This part of the movie is disgusting smut that this reviewer thinks should be removed from television. They are posing as being hip but the writers are playing with fire with foul language like, "dumbo", "nerd" and worst of all Jerry's catch phrase "You're a Dingus!". This movie Rules! There is cool funky bass music that plays (that scares everyone who watches).


But wait, the movie is out-there and tottally cool too! Ellen,Jerry's wife kept saying, "Jerry when are we going to smooch on the lips and be safe?"! This is tottally fine for me and the older viewers, but parents might want to censor this for viewer's under the age of 15. I liked how they kept saying, "Kooky Kramer's Sandwich's are a total thumbs down dump" but I didn't like how they kept implying that I was in danger of getting very sick. Stay away from my family Steinman!


The movie has this cool way of tying all the character's stories together. In the one I watched all the characters end up in the same parking lot and at the same time, all the characters (Jemmy, Ellen, Jorge, Kramer) say, "I am the coolest one in the group!" and they all laugh! Then Jorge yells, "Jemmy It's Festivus for the rest of us!". This part I did not get. What is wrong with Jorge? I hope Jorge is okay and there are many more episodes. They say this is a show about nothing but this reviewer thinks, this is a show that is trying to scare you with scary supernatural tales.


Sorry to cut this short, but I have to get to let my father read this and get to bed by 10:15 or Dad will spank me as punishment. I can't wait, in a few years I will be 26 and I am outta my parents house and off to town for career training!

This film was awesome and missed the mark! It gets 3 out of 3 safe families up!

Thanks Guys, From MartyP.










Saturday, January 10, 2009

Financial Advice: Week 3

Like many during this financial rut, I am up to my ears in debt (I put socks on my dog and chase him around the house!). And like everyone else I am considering killing myself by poison (LOL). But then like a mesasge from heaven, I saw an infomercial with Jeff Paul's new shortcut's called "Internet Millions"! I didn't watch the entire program (because of heart palpatations) but I knew to make the 2 payments of 39.95$ ! I am happy and very worried about my liver (sometimes at night I bleed)! According to the commercial I will be making up to 40,000 smackers a week (This was a total no-brainer!)!

Like anyone who is ordering from an infomercial, part of me was concerned that the people who are involved in making "Jeff Paul's Internet Millions" are not looking out for my best interest and are secretly plotting to kill me and my family ( I must risk it to get out of debt and regain my power)! Soon I will be out of my debt and making tons of moola with all their special secrets (Only available to real members of Jeff's Online Family Community)! Finally No one will be able to stop me from buying all the Mork and Mindy gear I want! And I want a lot! I want so much Mork and Mindy gear that people will say, "Hey Partner, cut it out with all the Mork and Mindy plates and hats!" (I will be sorry for getting so much gear and I will apologize and return much of it).

(Reminder: This is me writing. It is not happening to you. I am writing it. If you get caught up in the belief of it happening, remember that you are only reading this and it is not happening to you. )


This system results in 2 words: Fast, Easy, Money! The website does all the work for you! When I recieve my moola I will buy many more Mork and Mindy hats and plates and I will use it on my debts to boot! This is a total lock and I am sorry; Please leave me be! Today is now for celebration! I spent only 80 dollars to get out of 80,000 smackers of debt (At work they call me "The Wiz" because I am sharp and fast)! If this does not work I will be in great danger of losing my home and will not be able to pay for my liver medication (LOL). But I know I did it! Finally I am a hero! Everyone can be a Champion. NEVER give into your liver pains and you too will be running for help! I am starving and now I'm going to get some grub at Papa John's! I have to drive my neighbor to the hospital tommorrow because he has stomach surgery for a life threatening condition. I hope he can STOMACH the pain (get me? "Stomach the pain" like the phrase and Stomach like his stomach bleeding.)! I hope he survives the procedure because he's the sole provider for his two children LOL.


I am almost up to full power and soon no one will be able to stop me! Have a great Spring, Sincerly Marty P!

Friday, January 9, 2009

Top Stories: Roger Clemon Tried For Sterods

Roger Clemon (an up and coming Baseball pitcher) is being questioned by a panel of experts for his alleged use of sterods. When asked about his alleged use of the illegal drugs, Clemon said, "When I pitch baseballs I believe in myself like a Champion. The key to success is practice, courage and fear. I hope I'm never crippled in a car accident like Marty's Uncle David!" (Hold on Uncle David. Never give up hope)

When asked about if this will honor his legacy Roger Clemon said, "Like the triumph the insult comic dogs says, this will be a good story FOR ME TO PUKE ON!" I am glad he is taking it with a gain of salt. In the big leagues, Roger Clemon is known for his laziness and always running for help. Sometimes I like to watch and play baseball. My favorite position is watching! When I was younger the coach used to say to me, "Hey, Marty you've got a heck of an arm kid. And you run like the wind to top it all off. You better watch out or I'm going to kill your family!" PLAYY BALLLL!

When I got the chance to speak with Roger Clemon (via electronic mail) I was very excited! He sent me a personal message that showed me a link to join his website and even pay to be an exclusive member of his fan club! I responded back to him with an elctronic mail that said,"Thanks Rog, You are one of my heroes! You can take whatever I have, just please don't hurt me!"

What a fun filled evening! I so a program on discovery channel and I just pray they don't give robots the ability to take over humans cause we'd all be killed LOL. Okay this is my time to say signing off and happy weather! PLEASE DON'T GET MAD AT ME!


Bonus Joke of the Day: Why is my parents fun? Because I am fun! (Don't take it seriously it is just a joke?)




Thursday, January 8, 2009

Book Review: Celestine Prophecy

Hello and welcome to my web page on the internet called http://www.cutthecosby.blogspot.com/ (click the link to view my blog)! I can do all kinds of things with my brain if I think about it! Everyone will die one day but I may escape if I use my brain correctly (Edit: There is no escape we all will die)! No one knows what they are doing except me because I know how to use brains! Sometimes I can drink Hi-C and my favorite flavor is lemonade and safety. What am I chopped liver LMAO? If you use your brain you are ahead of the games and no one says to you, "Are you a dumbo?" I use it for everthing!

What the Heck Uncle David? Dad said, you're a sloppy waste! Tell me the answer to this question in the comment section: What the Heck? I can watch TV or read the newspaper. Sometimes if you use your brain it's like a video game with high scores and guitar hero that is letting you live your life (right guys?). I watch Television Programs and read the New York Times and I am slowly gaining power.

Hey guys, I hope no one hurts me or tries to steal my things! I hope this makes it to the internet (this is my wish)! My brain is the best I can't do without it! My brain stinks, get it out of here dumbo! Have you seen the show King of the Hill? They are all Kings of the Hill I think (but maybe not). My biggest complaint is on one episode, The King of the Hill Hank Hills says, "Bobby What the heck?" and I hate that joke (It is like Wedding Crashers but Better!)

There is a book called "The Celestine Prophecy" because on King of the Hill they (The Kings of the Hill all) say, "Hey can I have more beers?" I think they always say this but I am not sure (Edit: They do not say this). In the Celestine Prophecy they teach you to be magic and don't threaten your family or their safety (this is a plus). The book is a page turner but WARNING: THE STORY IS NOT ACTUALLY HAPPENING TO YOU, YOU ARE ONLY READING IT. I like how they try to run your life but I don't like how they hint at hurting your family (this is unacceptable). I will finish reading it when I have time.

I hope everyone is having a great Summer! Marty P.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Cool Trends: Week 2

The people at Segan are fresh off the drawing boards with another new gaming system sure to bring the gaming community to ruthless fun! Segan Genesis CD uses new technology known as CD-ROM, to upgrade the Segan Genesis's 16 bit graphics to 18 bits! Unfortunately the games are not real life and you are pretending to play! When you read my Blog it might give me strength!
If you want medium-octane safe fun then this reviewer has 2 words for you: 3 Ninja's Kick Back! This game has it all, Ninja's (All 3 Ninja's: Rocky Colt and Tum-Tum back to their old funky tricks) Kicking back for a funky adventure of being polite and safe to their neighbors and loved ones! I hope the ninja's know they are in a video game and say to eachother, "Hey guys let's kick back and be tottally safe this time!" I can't put this game down! I have played for almost twenty funky minutes and with a lot more to come (If I am allowed!)! I had so much fun this game had the reviewer asking himself, "What am I chopped liver?" If I get the highscore maybe I won't die!

Another game you should be sure to check out is Digital Picture's "Marky Mark's: Make My Video". This interactive Music Video simulator scheduled for release in summer 1992 takes two fresh concepts: Video games and Music videos and combines them into one ultimate gaming package! It begs the gamer to ask the questions, "Why didn't I think of this?" and "Please don't look at my family that way?" I 100% reccomend this video game and if this reviewer wasn't punished and had full television priveliges than this is the game he'd be playing it right now (Go suck an egg Dad)! With all of Marky Mark's hits this game will have hours of ferocious gameplay!

On the other hand, one game I wouldn't reccomend is "Marky Mark's: Make My Video". This interactive music video simulater was a major let down. Marky Mark may be a musical genius but there are certain things even he cannot do. This filthy piece of trash looks at you throughout the entire game like, "Hey first I'm coming for you, then I'm coming for ya family" and that is one thing this reivewer takes very seriously and I will not tolerate. Take my word for it, I was so angry I was sitting there looking at the screen asking myself, "What am I Chopped liver?" So if you want an amazing game with no let downs, and tons of fun twists, go pick up, "Marky Mark's: Make My Video"! Believe me it is an unbelievably fun thrill ride and it will have you walking around your house saying, "I am a director, can somebody change me, I think I made?"!






Movie Review: The Step Brothers

Today I saw the movie Step Brothers starring Will Ferris and Joeseph C. Reily! It was a comedy movie about the step brothers! If you do not want the belief to be spoiled for you, do not read on:
ATTENTION! THIS MOVIE IS A FAKE! DO NOT WATCH

I found out after reading on wikipedia that Will Ferris and Joespeh Rily are not really a step brothers! The "Step Brothers" is faked! I'm not sure if there are jokes in the movie. I think there were but I will ask my big brother tonight and re-post when I find out (Edit: There were many jokes in the movie). The Step Brothers have parents which I enjoyed. As one of the jokes, The Step Brothers have different sneakers on and look like they're thinking "Hey, what are we chopped liver?" (LOL) PLEASE I'LL DO ANYTHING DON'T HURT ME! The Step Brothers never speak back to their parents which is a joke I got! My favorite joke/scene in the movie is when Will Ferris says, "Is it breakfast already" LOL! The way he says it is like he's saying, "Hey what am I chopped liver?" He doesn't say it out loud, but you know!
I didn't get that they don't tell you in the movie that they are NOT really Step Brothers in real life, to try to trick you and make you believe! DO NOT BELIEVE! IT IS A TRICK!

In Conclusion, The story is about two brothers and their family and how they don't want any trouble but want to make jokes. If you want to see real Step Brothers do not see this movie! If you want to see a film about two actors playing pretend and being polite see this movie! I rate this film 3 out of 3 Safe Families Up!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

World Peace: The Right Plans

Hello and happy 2008! World Peace might be something that the whole world wants because it could be cool and fun and I think everyone would be a little happier in bingo class LOL (You guys know I am joking. If I offended you, PLEASE don't take this out on me or my family). But seriously, no one knows how to get world peace... am I right? WRONG! I have had this plan for some time, but I haven't been able to post about it because I've been busy at therapy and work. (Me and my therapist have this inside joke, that I'm scared I'll vomit up blood in my sleep LOL!)

1. Stop Wars: I think it will be very hard at first but then people will see how much better the world is without the wars and they will say this, "Oh boy, I admit it we were acting silly before! We shouldn't have been so silly and murdered! I think that is where we made our errors but I am not sure!" (Edit: I make things from scratch like birdhouses, E-mail (electronic mail) Me for more Info).

2. Stop Bad Thoughts: This is important but not very because I think you get it. If you don't have bad thoughts you will be happy! A cool way I try remember this is, anytime I think of violence, I think to myself, "Stop Mart, that's bad, lay off those thoughts for a while", and that helps me stop the thoughts. My therapist Linda Jenson also gave a good tip, she said, if that doesn't work try to snap a rubberband on your wrist to "snap you out of the bad thoughts"! It's not easy to quit all at once so don't get worried! (Like many in their twenties, I have a habbit of ripping out my hair when I get worried, but I am learning to do it less and now you can barely tell! :) :) :)

3. Staying Away from my Family: This is one is essential. There can Be no Peace unless everyone agrees that they will not harm me or my family. Unfortunately this is an issue that I cannot budge on. DON'T TOUCH MY THINGS! There is no middle ground on this. Please Stay away from my family and loved ones.

Editor's Note: This three pronged attack at world peace is for all but if this plan is used for World peace please give me credit.

Peace and Love! Stay away from my family!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Dating Advice: week 2

HELLO AND HAPPY 2008! Are you a having problems with women? I was once like you. But now I am back on life's track!

When it comes to women let me ask you this qeustion? Do you know about wholesale retailers? Well if you do, there is one that even you don't know about! It is a a little known store with Mega-Deals called Costcos! Please don't tell Costco I reviewed there store or they may sue me!

Costco's has it all! It has a electronics section, it has a clothing store and it even sells authentic Pizza's Fresh from the oven! (I went to space camp once and I bought a shirt there that said, "Spaced Out!" I had to leave early because I started bleeding from my eyes LOL!) Costco's is a cool store for anyone who likes to get sea food! I am allergic to crab but my doctor confirmed I am allowed eat lobster.

I'm worried people are going to cheat me out of my money and try to post my information on the internet. If you wish any ill on me I hope you choke on your own spit because I am a Champion (Please take care of yourself and do not get hurt by choking).

Costco has it all! It has it's own brand of jeans for trying on and modeling around the store (I buy Kirkland Brand Jeans because my parents won't let me wear my slacks yet)! They even has a cashier that says, " Hello Mart, you can pay for this in cash's or credits cards!" (I say back, "Cash for me, I'm scared of credit card's these days because of the economy! And they use them to track you and take your earnings!").

You will be saving so much money that you won't want to take your asthma medication (But please do, for safety)! I hope my Uncle will shut his fat stinking mouth about me! Now that you are a memeber you can go in to Costco, shop around, scope out the deals and be happy! Shut your stinking mouth Uncle David!

I love the Costco's and I love how they give you free samples (They are not for sale, but you can buy the products you test! BUT I NEVER DO!) I eat the products for free and then I always buy the products! It's like that new T.I. song says, "You can have whatever you want"! So enjoy the night scene and thank me when you are having all your new dates!

Friday, January 2, 2009

Music Reviews: NOW THATS WHAT I CALL MUSIC 14

I will be review's what is sure to be a smash hit in the biz! It is called Now That's What I Call Musics 14! So far I have been getting a "Now that's what I call Music" Tape, every year for my birthday, for as long back as I can remember! I have "Now That's What I Call Music's" 12, 13 and 14!

And this reviewer has just pooped this Casette into his tape player and has one thing to say: Now this is what I call music! I listened to it and I thought to myself boy, I might as well have died and gone to heaven ! And the songs are all top notch quality with over an hour of jamming cuts on just one tape!

Although there are some songs (most) that can be offensive to listen to, I believe all the artists meant well but just hate themselves inside. One of the more offensive songs is called "Where is the Love?" By the Black Eyes Peace and Justice Timberlakes! Where are my dogs at?!? (Note: I now believe my Dog Buddy tries to make number 2's in my room to teach me a lesson but I am on to him!) In the song Black Eyed Peace says: "Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity? Whatever happened to the fairness in equality? Instead of spreading love we're spreading animosity."

The song is trashy garbage and I think it's unfair that he uses so much foul language. I don't understand what he means by the word "fairness" but I am trying to uncover it! The rest of the song is pure magic straight from the wizard's staff: KAPOW, ZAM and SHAZAM we are all a magics like Black Eyed Peace!

There are over 20 Chart topping hits! Some other legendary artists included are Nickel's Back and Chingy's! They all make their own statements and never cry in the songs which makes them champions! You will listen to some songs and say "Whoa Nelly! This songs a Whopper"! Please use your heart and stay away from my family!

Offensive or Not, there is no question about it, This Music is timeless?? My brother told me they have "Now That's what I call Music 29" available now but I am scared to stay current! I have many fears and they're all hurting my social life, please help. Released in late 2003 this CD has remained bubbling in New York's Hipster underground for long enough it is time to make it a hit! Now this is what I call Musec! And this is what I call, you staying away from my family!


Saturday, December 27, 2008

Financial Advice

Hi CutTheCosby Reader, this is the second post of my financial blog with cool tips on saving cash and making moola (means money LOL)! I hope I never die. In this edition of Financial Advice I will beg for your money! I'm scared I can be homeless one days and people will take my things (Ex: Like hat or shoes). I hope you can give me 400 or 500 dollars because of charity. Please I need it for new investments and car payments, and if you don't give it to me I will be upset :(

Update (12/28/08): My Dog is fun and loves to be pet! What if he was hungry one day and bought a snack (Imagine?)

I want at least 400 but you can give more because of charity (Help me please, what if I get sick?). Cash is okay but credit cards is ok! To give credit cards post your credit card info (information) in the comments section and I will take what I think is fair (I will judge by fairness). I hope you give me at least 400 dollars! This investment is a lock! Please, don't take my hat or shoes! You are thinking, "Sure Mart, I will loan you anything but what is the catch?" That's the thing! There is no catch! You give me my money and I spend it on things I like, like shoes, hats or dog medication (My dogs are healthy boys, but I stock up for safety)! You can even give suggestions on what to do with my money (Note: No suggestions will be considered). I saw a Program called "The Family Matters" and one character named Steve Urelle said, "Did I do that?" (And he did do it! LOL!) There was a blood drive and I said, I would like to buy all the blood in case I need it (LOL)! Some people may say "What the heck?" To them I say Like Nikey sayed "Just do it!" Remember me thinking, I don't need it but I want it, well this is the time.


Please hurry and do it quickly because I am scared of the economy and I want to make sure I am safety! I'll do anything, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.


Remember: Be Self Relient, be responsible for yourself, Never give up and be a hero!


I want you to help me in case I have hard times!


Friday, December 26, 2008

Television Reviews: Home Improvements

Talk about a hot new sitcom! This Reviewer went bananas when he first saw Home Improvements! I turned it on and said I hope I get the jokes and it turned out I got many of them (not all)!


Home Improvements is a show about a man named Jim Taylor and he is a Toolman. This is what I get of the jokes. And believe me my sides were hurting. Just think a whole show about a Toolman, what fun? When my mother told me the show wasn't real I cried because the belief was so much fun!


Jim gets hurt doing pranks at work and his assistant Al Borand says, "I don't think so Jim". My Dad says to me, "Turn off that program!" But I say "No Way Dad, This show is a fun escape!" Later in the program his mom Jill says, "Tim, it is the Christmas Pagent!" And Tim does this noise, "Ar Ar Ar, I'm the Toolman." This part I do not get. What is wrong with the toolman's throat? I hope we find out in later episodes.


Wilson is Jim's friend that gives him cool tips on how to solve his fears! In my life wilson is like my dog (What a day)! They don't say it but you can tell Jim is scared of Wilson hurting his friends and loved ones. But cool out and enjoy a soda pop because it doesn't happen! Jim works on a program called Toon Time! This is another part of the show. I hope no one is hurt and other people get the jokes like me (I'm sorry if anyone lost someone. I honor their death!)!


This is my review of Tool Time with Jim Taylor. I hope I enjoyed it. Please be yourself! I'm scared and hope Tim and his family are safe for many years to come!


(If I ruined anyones belief that the show was not real I sincerely apologize, but the truth hurts, go out and enjoy the day!)


Audio World Exclusive (Kenny Wests Cover)

video

PRESS PLAY TO HEAR MARTY PONCHO'S OFFICIAL GOOD LIFE (REMIX) Featuring Barry B. No affiliation with the original (Good Life by Kenny Wests.)

Monday, December 22, 2008

Holiday Photos

Happy Holidays From All of us At CutTheCosby.Blogspot.Com! I will treat you with these Holiday Snapshots from Sears Department Stores. I was happy with my Photograph experience but scared. I pray on my Friend's Graves that I was not swindled out of my money. I pray your families have a very Happpy Holidays. Thankyou and Please stay away from my family!






On this holiday season, may warmth fill your heart, Love fill your soul and may your minds not be filled with violent thoughts about harming my loved ones!

Coming Soon To CUTTHECOSBY

1. Music!
2. Art
3. Suggestions on how to not hurt my family.
4. Relationship Advice
5. Not Hurting My dogs
6. Job Listings and information
7. Internet
8. Religion Advice
9. My dad's new column on splitting up with my mother
10. Wacky Animal Pics (Note: Some pics may be wacky and others silly, I apologize if this offends any)


Movie Review: Saving Private Ryan (**NO SPOILERS**)

Hello and Family Safety To all! Earlier today I rented the 1998 comedy romp Saving Private Ryan! Although the film was listed as a comedy on the box, I found myself struggling to get a lot of the jokes and questioning the film's direction. This oddball comedy opens up with the men storming the Normandy Beach all clowning around and doing army jokes! (My friends are cool, I have one friend who is tall and one friend who is short we call them the Brady Bunch! LOL!)

The story is of the Ryan Family and 3 of the 4 Ryan brothers have died in the army in different funny ways. The story is of the wacky John H. Miller (Played by Jon Hanks) who is trying to save the other brother (who is alive) and the jokes that get John out of it. I didn't understand some of the jokes because some of it was dark humor and over my head. For example, I didn't get the joke in the ending scene of Captain Miller dying after rescuing Private Ryan and Private Ryan feeling upset because his friend was killed. (I kind of got the joke, but was that supposed to be very funny? This is NOT Wedding Crashers)

Although much of the comedy missed the mark for my tastes, there were definitely parts had me rolling in the aisle! I couldn't control my laughter in the scene in which the family is at the War Memorial mourning their sons deaths and one of the family members has a look on there face that tottally said, "Get me outta here, I just want a slice of pizza pie!" (LOL that will be in my mind for weeks! Think: Wedding Crashers but funnier!) I reccomend the movie to anyone who is in the mood for a Dark Comedy, that will cause even the most serious viewer (like this blogger) to break up with laughs!

As far as the acting was concerned, I liked how they were trying to save the Ryan Family and I got that joke! They were like Champions in that part! But I didn't like the look John Hanks had in his eyes the entire movie. Almost looking at the viewer and challenging them saying, "You're family is next to die, unless you protect them!" I didn't get all of the killing jokes but I got many of them. So Get your Popcorn and grab your tissues because if you're anything like this blogger at some parts you will laugh yourself to tears! And Today I will use the right Deoderant (Right Pop Pop?) Eventhough I didn't quite get some of the jokes I rate this 3 out of 3 safe families Up!







EDIT: I CANNOT EXPRES HOW SORRY I AM! I NOW REALIZE THE MOVIE WASN'T INTENDED AS A COMEDY. I AM TERRIBLY SORRY AND ASHAMED FOR MY IGNORANCE. MY FRIENDS ARE COOL. THERE WAS AN ERROR ON THE BOX OF MY TAPE. I PRAY FOR THE FORGIVNESS OF THOSE I'VE UNINTENTIONALLY OFFENDED (LOL). PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS OUT ON MY FAMILY!!! I HAVE SINCE VOICED MY OUTRAGE TO BLOCKBUSTER! WITH PEACE AND LOVE MARTY P.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Electronics: Week 1

Once I purchased it at the local Electronics Distributor (It's called Radio Shack but I always call it Radio C-Cuss that rhymes with Wrap! (Use your imgination for what cuss I mean (Edit for clarity: I mean Cr@p) (Edit : Like Radio Crap instead of Radio Shack), I couldn't wait to blog about my new Personal Computer by Apple Computers and Electronics?

I love to enjoy walking around the store and watching all the cool Electronics, it's like being in outer space! When the salesman told me the word cutting edge, I immediatly became nervous because of the imagery. I knew he was nice but I had to restrain myself from accusing him of being a liar. Salesman lie to you and they try to steal your money. They're all cheats, out to harm you and take your things. I'm sorry Pop Pop for your old age!

I spent a reasonable price and all in all had a fun time looking at the new electronics in stock. I hope my time away from home was fun for me, and I hope I do not cut myself later. I'm ready for anything! ANDDD REMEMBER GO GO GADGETS (Because we are talking about Computers!)

My New P.C. (Edit: P.C. stands for Personal Computer):


I apoligize for anyone offended by my use of the C-Cuss, but Radio Shack can be such Dumbos (apologies for use of the phrase Dumbos). Happy and Safe Families to All!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Food Reviews: Dominoe's Pizzeria

Today I was inspired to get pizza pies so I decided to call up Domino's Pizzeria! Talk about quick delivery! It was barely 25 minutes in between the time I called up and the time I was screaming at the delivery boy to get off my property! Now, that's fast and tasty food! I am typing to you guys on the internet! This is my website http://www.cutthecosby.blogspot.com/! My only complaint is the threatening tone the woman used when I refused to repeat my address for safety reasons! For this reason I give Dominoe's 3 out of 3 Safe Family's Up! Happy Pizzeria Everyone !

REMINDER: Tonight is a full moon! This occurrence only happens twice every month, I'm watching from 9-11 pm!

Email (Electronic Mail) Me for more info







Friday, December 19, 2008

Music Reviews: Raffi's Christmas Album

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better than ICP, Raffi comes along and knocks my block off with an epic new cd full of hit! This Christian Bohemeth has become more Goliath than David if you know what I mean (I hope this doesn't offend any Christians, I've admired your customs for years. I love when you guys eat communion! It's the absolute coolest to watch!).



Let me say, this album was a pure treat of the ears! I felt like I was on fire with magic! Raffi's Christmas Album, delivers a CD that this reviewer would without hesitation put along side albums like Menudo "Reaching out", Meat Loaf "Dead Ringer" and Eddie Murphy's "Love's Alright" as my top all time albums. The album starts slow, with Frosty the Snowman but builds to a heinous crescendo of sound with Petit Papa Noel at track 4. So far I have listened that far.

I rate this Album with my hightest rating of 5 out of 5: Everyone I know and love is Safe's!
Thank's raffi for bringing back quality music.


Current Events: Olympics

The 2008 Olympics will be held in Beiijing China! American,Michael Phelps is going for an unprecedented 5 gold medals. I hope he wins most of them, but not all because it's not fair to the other Olympians. I pray no one is hurt.

We can all watch them at my house! I will supply the chips and dip, you guys supply the company. I am not sure when they start but I do have a television to watch them on! Can't wait to see Americans be champions of the world! Don't hurt my dogs!

Anyone with info on the Starting Date/Time Email (abbreviation for Electronic Mail) Me

All are welcome to watch! EMail (abbreviaton for Electronic Mail) me for invites! Everyone can come unless you are dirty!

Cool Trends: Week 1

This week I'll be chatting about roller blading. I bought a new pair of blades this weekend and I plan to tear up the beach. I'm looking forward to grinding. It's very important that you stretch first before you blade. I know what you're thinking. Hey, how are we all going to blade? Don't worry I gotcha covered. I bought 3 pairs of blades. I know what you're thinking,how are we all going to blade? Well if we all switch off, everyone will get a fair chance to blade and we'll still all have fun. I can feel the fun already! Who's with me? If we get to the beach by 9am we can beat the traffic and still all get chances to blade. Everyone gets at least 10 minutes on the blades. I have my own pair and will be blading and instructing the entire time! My parents said they can be there to supervise. I hope I don't die alone.


ALL ARE WELCOME. Email me for more info.



Current Events: Barracth Obama Elected President!

For those of you who haven't heard the news, there is a new President in town and his name isn't George W. Bush. His name is Barractch Obama and he is for Change! I heard about this news yesterday, December 18th when I was talking to my brother and I said I think America is ready for change. Then my brother told me, guess what, there is a change! His name is Barratch Obama and he is a Democras! And he was elected so the country can conquer our demons be champions!

My brother told me he is Afros-American and I am not sure but I THINK he is America's first Afros-American President (I will fact check and update)!! I said I don't care it doesn't bother me what color he is as long as he can make this country a SLAM DUNK! Well Baratch, I hope you do a better job than this last Candidate because he really stunk (I will fact check and update)!

I am happy he is election and I hope he wins all the elected!



Stock Tips

Although I have no formal training I have been known to have great stock tips and advice so heeeere are the tips! The market is strong right so you're going to want to invest. Please be safe and I hope everyone's parents and family are safe as well!

Here's are some safe bets:

Hollywood Video
Sharper Image
Performance Team Freight
Linens n Things
Circuit City

If you're smart you'll want to buy in now when the market is soaring. My advisor said invest in everything because there's virtually no risk. Well I bet you're saying it's easy for you to say put yours moneyk where your mouth is! Well, I personally just invested 6,000 dollars and bought a thousand shares of Hollywood Video (safe bet because everyone needs Tapes) and 400 shares of Sharper Image (safe bet because they have quirky cool gifts). I think they will both be good picks! If you do invest your money, I hope that everyone is having a fun day (because that's how they get you)!

So if you need some guaranteed extra cash play the stocks!

And remember: Everyone Wins at Stocks!